Let's Try This Again
The following is reposted and slightly tweaked from a series of posts on my Instagram from December 6th, 2016. My Instagram account and posts under @mattcarlstrom are private.
Hi everyone!
This Friday, I'm going to release a podcast about the people who I've looked up to and what they were like when they were in their twenties. It's cohosted by the wonderful Katie Johantgen, and we hope you find it funny and also inspiring. I'd like to share a bit of where it came from:
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This year was huge. Hard. Scary. I've learned more about myself in the last six months than I think I have in most years of my life. There was a lot of growth, and a lot of the time I was feeling very afraid. I did this drawing in my Draw Book in April that helps capture what it felt like.
Now, with that fear came a lot of hope. Here's my "what's above my bed" drawing in my Draw Book, done on that same day.
In June, I realized that even though I thought I had everything I wanted, I wasn't really all that happy. It was terrifying, but I quit my job and tried my best to hear what my heart wanted me to do next. I took classes at UCB. I took a way simpler job and had nice conversations with many strangers and I learned to be thankful for what I had and to be kind, even when it's hard. I prayed a lot. I went to the gym. And I started becoming myself again. I wrote more. I laughed more. And on Friday, I'll start doing what I've wanted to do since I was a kid: make things that other people can enjoy.
We never stop learning. There will be more failures and lessons and successes and failures. This week happens to be the third anniversary of the worst time in my life. I got through it because of the people who love me and because I had to look myself in the eye and promise that I would take care of myself. I had to first be at my absolute rock bottom before I could truly love myself.
I once heard someone say "don't just fail big, fail flamboyantly." Failure is refreshingly liberating.
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If you are feeling afraid, alone, or worthless, please, please know that you are perfect and capable of amazing things. Always choose love over fear. When your heart is happy, the rest follows.
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"Twenty Twenty" will be up on iTunes this Friday. I really hope you all enjoy it.
Katie and I released the first episode of our podcast, "Twenty Twenty" one day early, on December 8th. You can listen to it on iTunes or on this website.